I Failed at Everything I Did so Far. And I’m Willing to Keep Failing.

‘Muuum! I have THE. Most. Amazing. Business. Idea. EVER.’

The excitement was oozing from my nose. My heart was pumping fast. Hands got clammy and my 12-year-old self couldn’t sit still.

‘Oh. Ok. Well. Running a business is very hard. And your income is not guaranteed which is really stressful. You’ll end up working evenings and weekends. And you will have to save up for your own pension. And, oh god, you’ll have to pay your own taxes which is really complicated. And…’

My little ‘girl boner’ quickly deflated with every word until it shrank entirely.

So I put my head down and went back to working towards what I’ve always been told was the ‘right’ way – studying subjects I hated, getting good grades, pursuing soul-destroying jobs, and dying on a pension that’s too low to allow for any kind of fun. Just like any good girl would.

(By the way – my mum never owned a business.)

But there was one problem.

Ever since I can remember, I was repulsed by the idea of living a ‘conventional’ life.

Even when I followed the ‘norms’ I was always plotting something weird.

And if I measured myself against these norms, I’d say I failed at every one of these unconventional things I tried, because I didn’t make millions and didn’t sail off to the sunset on a private yacht to spend a month on a tropical island playing with dolphins.

Yet, if I could change anything in my past – I wouldn’t.

Each one of these experiences was born from deep curiosity and the desire to make life better, easier, happier, more fun. To broaden my horizons. Just for shits and giggles to see what happens. And the knowledge I gained in the process, enriched my life in ways I wouldn’t swap for anything.

I’d much rather die trying than settle for what’s been prescribed for me.

We can never guarantee the outcome of our efforts, but to me, a life where I cannot follow my curiosity is a life not worth living.

There are two sides of the failure coin and we tend to selectively look at just one.

So for a change, let’s examine both.

Failure #1: Ballroom dancing

I was a competitive ballroom dancer for 14 years. When I was 19, I moved from Poland to the UK to do it full-time.

But it wasn’t smooth sailing.

The partnership with the guy I danced with didn’t work out and I found the lifestyle extremely depressing. Eventually, I couldn’t do it anymore and quit.

Lessons

Just because you did something for a long time, doesn’t mean that you should be doing it forever.

Circumstances change. Interests and passions change. Learn to let go and prioritise your mental health.

And don’t fall for the most bullshit misconception ever invented – that you’ve ‘wasted’ your years.

Ballroom dancing taught me discipline (I didn’t always feel like training 4 hours a day, believe me), appreciation for aesthetics, the value of incremental improvement, the power of a good multi-faceted strategy, and a passion for fitness. None of this was a waste of time.

Failure #2: Nut butter affiliate business

Yes, you read that correctly.

Years ago, I became obsessed with fitness and nutrition and discovered the world of weird and wonderful nut butters: almond butter, walnut butter, birthday-cake-flavoured peanut butter, protein nut butter – you name it.

So I decided to start a nut butter blog called nutbutterreviews.com and monetise it with affiliate links.

I bought an affiliates course. I ordered dozens of different nut butters from all over the world. I spent hours writing reviews, creating both sweet and savoury recipes and posting them online.

And it flopped spectacularly, with only one visitor ever reaching that site (yes, me).

Lessons

I hated writing these reviews. I hated spending my weekends in the kitchen, frying my brain (pun intended) to come up with unique recipes, and then taking and editing pictures.

I also realised that the only people in the community I joined that actually made money, were the ones who were promoting the affiliate course I just bought. Affiliate sites promoting affiliate courses – aka a pyramid scheme. Total scam.

Was this a bad experience? No.

I’ve learned how to build a website and become better at spotting scams. I also learned that as much as I loved chomping on nut butters, writing about it was an ordeal I didn’t want to waste any more time on.

Failure #3: My book

Earlier this year, I made a big dream come true and after 12 months of writing, I published my very first book.

But after a successful launch, the sales slowed down.

I had a solid launch strategy, but not a clue how to keep the momentum going.

Lessons

Oh, where do I even start!

• I learned that I love writing.
• This project revealed that I actually possess some valuable skills, such as tenacity (it took a full year to go from a blank page to a published book) and self-discipline (I wrote it all in short increments before and after work).
• The process of publishing a book. In order to have a professionally written book that you can be proud of, you need to hire a good editor, a proofreader, a cover designer and someone to format the interior of the book. Finding and working with these people has been an incredible experience.
• Writer’s blocks are real. And I’ve learned to overcome them.
• I learned to push through my perfectionism. The book will never be perfect so to be able to say: ‘Fuck it, it’s good enough. I can always write another book.’ is a valuable skill.
• If I could get the launch strategy right, I can still experiment and tweak my ongoing ‘maintenance’ efforts. I’m not done yet.

Failure #4: Bodybuilding and bikini fitness

‘Omg, you’re so fit and you’ve gained so much muscle in such a short space of time! You should compete in bikini fitness!’

‘Ok.’

So I joined a bikini fitness team.

I trained 11 times a week (six morning cardio sessions and five evening weight-lifting sessions). I spent every Sunday in the kitchen meal-prepping and ate dry white fish and limp broccoli out of Tupperware every day. I had never-ending arguments with my ex who didn’t want me to ‘get my tits out and show my ass’ on stage.

The whole thing bombed 4 weeks in when being consistently starved and nutrient-deprived led to a mental breakdown and me sobbing into a jar of jam whilst scoffing two venison burgers.

Lessons

I value eating delicious food and drinking booze more than I value having a six-pack. Nothing is worth the binge that comes after prolonged food deprivation. I also no longer have the desire to compete in sports. Next.

Failure #5: Luxury leather handbags handmade in London

One evening, I got drunk and had a vision of these beautiful leather crossbody bags.

Handmade in London with top-quality materials. Each bag would have a theme. The first one would be called ‘the attention seeker’.

I took a pattern-making course. I used days off work to faff around in leather factories in East London and go to leather trade shows. I hired one of the top bag makers in London (she made stuff for big brands, including Mulberry). I also found an artist who hand-wrote some calligraphy for me, which I then had embossed on the bag.

The whole process took 2.5 years and I almost lost my shit.

Lessons

I love wearing handbags. I hated producing one.

I could say: ‘Well, maybe if it didn’t take so long and maybe if the people I worked with weren’t such dicks and maybe if suppliers were easier to find…maybe then I would have enjoyed it.’

But the fact is – if I wanted it badly enough, I would have carried on. I didn’t.

Failure #6: Furniture and home décor dropshipping business

Being the home décor freak that I am, I thought it would be really fun to have a website with a huge selection of the coolest, most unique pieces you could imagine.

The go-to place for all things ‘arty furniture’.

I came across the concept of dropshipping and thought that it was perfect. I could source unlimited pieces from all over the world, curate unique collections and have people order from my one-stop shop. And all that without having to hold any stock, as everything would be shipped directly from the suppliers.

But this perfect concept was, em, somewhat flawed.

Lessons

Not every supplier offered their products to dropshippers. In fact, most of the unique ones didn’t. The available choices in the UK ranged from basic bitch stuff nobody would want to buy to plain hideous.

The most easily accessible option compatible with the dropshipping model was cheap Chinese crap from websites like Aliexpress. None of these products were unique. When I eventually found something I liked, I did a reverse Google image search and found dozens of other dropshipping websites selling the exact same product.

The more I looked into it, the more I could see the unethical side of this business model.

For example, I came across a website that sold some very expensive, premium-looking lamps. The one I liked cost $500.

But a few minutes of research revealed that it was in fact cheap product from China with 1-2 months delivery time. Someone simply plugged it into their website, sexed up the web design, made it look premium and added a mark-up of a few hundred $$.

In the end, I decided that I didn’t want to run an unethical business where I couldn’t add any value.

But in the process, I learned how the dropshipping model operates and how to build an online store using Shopify. Two rather useful learnings.

Failure #7: Investing in crypto

Anytime someone recommended a crypto to invest in – I lost all the money.

Fortunately, I never invested more than I was willing to lose.

Lessons

Don’t invest in anything you don’t understand.

I never understood crypto and I still don’t.

There’s of course a simple solution – learn about it. And I will. It just wasn’t my priority.

The idea of investing still appealed to me, so instead, I went in a different direction and learned a few basic concepts of stock market investing.

After a year, my portfolio grew by 40%. I can’t say I regret embarking on this adventure.

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People demonize failure.

But the endeavours that don’t quite go to plan, are often a source of invaluable insights.

Failure is like broccoli – nobody likes it, but it’s good for you.